It’s the toast bunfilled time of the ear
December 4th, 2006 by Wen
Thanksgiving has come and gone, and Christmas is around the corner. And you know what that means, don’t you? Yes. The buying of presents for family and a few friends. I got pretty much everyone done except for my dad, who is nearly 80 and neither wants nor needs anything. I call my mom for advice.
Me: Hey Mom, I’m calling about Dad’s Xmas present.
Mom: I thought you were buying him the watch he wanted. (A 15 dollar Casio digital watch to replace the one that died after 20 years of service.)
Me: I did, and it’s on the way to your house. But that’s going to be from J. What else does he want?
Mom: He told me he wants a new wallet. His old one is falling apart.
Me: He told you that? Are you sure? Because I’m totally not falling for that again.
(My mom decides that she doesn’t like the way his wallet looks about every three years- right around the time the wallet gets perfectly round and worn in and comfortable to sit on. And then she tries to get me to buy him a new one)
Mom: No. He TOLD me he wants a new wallet.
Me: (totally not buying it) Put Pop on the phone
Pop: Hey kiddo
Me: Hey Pop. What do you want for Xmas? Mom said you wanted a new wallet.
Pop: I thought you were getting me that watch. I never told her that. I don’t need a new wallet. This one is just worn in the way I like it.
Me: Yeah, that’s what I thought. Is there anything else you might like to have?
Pop: What?
Me: (louder) Is there anything else you might like to have?
Pop: Uh…no. I don’t need anything else.
Me: Are you sure?
Pop: What?
Me: (louder) How about some liquor?
Pop: Oh, I don’t need that.
Me: Hookers?
Pop: What?
Me: (louder) Slippers?
Pop: I said I don’t need liquor!
Me: (louder) For your feet!
Pop: Now why the hell would I need liquor for my feet??!!??
Me: Hahahahahahaha. (loud) Slippers Dad! Slippers! Are you wearing your hearing aid?
Pop: Oh! Haha. No, I don’t need any of those either. I don’t like to put the phone next to the hearing aid. Let me think about what else I might want.
Me: Okay Pop. Think about it. Put Mom back on.
Mom: He TOLD me he wanted a new wallet. He just forgot.
Me: I’m not getting him a wallet. Think of something else.
Family. Gotta love em because it’s totally illegal to sell them on ebay.
HAHAHAHA! HA! Oh, man. Get him a My Pretty Pony wallet and say it’s from your mom.
Oh man, my Grandma is like that only she doesn’t wear a hearing aid. She’s just losing her memory but doesn’t want to admit it.
Get your mom a wallet for Christmas instead.
HEy! Just wanted you to know that my goodies arrived yesterday. THANK YOU SO MUCH! They feel exquisite and I can’t wait to get started. Happy Birthday to ME!