hairburner

…RELENTLESS HEAT WILL PERSIST ACROSS INLAND PORTIONS OF SOUTHWESTERN CALIFORNIA THROUGH THE WEEKEND

ACROSS INTERIOR COASTAL SECTIONS OF LOS ANGELES COUNTY… HIGHS WILL LIKELY EXCEED 90 DEGREES TODAY. FOOTHILL LOCATIONS SUCH AS THE HOLLYWOOD HILLS AND BEVERLY HILLS COULD APPROACH 100 DEGREES.

Is it November yet?

And? Going backwards. Get ready for the whine/snarkfest my lovelies. And you thought you missed me. Awwwww!

It’s been hot as hell here the past few weeks. Which means that I have been particularly cranky since I only have air-conditioning in my bedroom. Also, my back decided not to play nice with me. That makes me cranky until the drugs set in- then I just pass out. Plus Mercury turned retrograde on the 4th which has turned all manner of mechanical things to shit at my house. And then? Oh just some crazy ass monthly hormones totally out of whack. Oh, and I decided not to go back to the TV show I was working on and whining about all last year. And then there are the spiders…

It’s memo time again!

Dear Sun/ Global Warming Fairy (or Al Gore for short)

So this thing people call “Summer”? Yeah, not really digging it. Especially this year. See usually you kind of hide out for the month of June behind your friend and mine “Coastal Eddy” (who, by the way, I think might be gay. I mean Eddy with a “y”? Totally swish if you ask me.) Anyway, I love Eddy way more than most people who live in California. While everyone is complaining that there is no sun (which, hello? We haven’t plunged into total darkness have we?) I am happily going about my business of not getting hot, sweaty, or sunburned. My apartment is cool, I don’t need air conditioning and my skin is happy. All is good and right in my little corner of the world.
This year? Yeah, whatever Sun. Did you and Eddy have a fight or something? Because 17 kabillion days of triple digit temperatures is really a little too dramatic even for my tastes, and I work with actors. There are more fans than there are people in this house. Just do everyone a favor and kiss and make up with Eddy and everyone will be happy.

Thanks.

To: Mercury Retrograde
Fr: Me
Re: Knock it off

Listen Mercury, every time you decide to back-pedal it costs me money. Since I am unemployed now is really NOT a good time for you to decide that I need a new hard drive AND a new dsl modem. Seriously, that is enough. I can’t afford your wishy washy forward/back crap any more. No more wrecking havoc with my computer, phone, car, employment prospects, etc. I mean it.

To: My lower back
Fr: The rest of me
Re: You knock it off too

Ok. Are you feeling ignored? I’m really sorry. While I was going about, oh… MY LIFE, you decided to get all uppity and start hurting again. I am on to your little attention getting ploy. I have two words for you: Vicodin and Flexeril. Oh, and bed rest. Okay. Four words, but you get the picture, right? You play nice and I’ll play nice and then we can avoid that one word that neither one of really wants- surgery.

To: My Crazy Ass hormones
Fr: You know who

I give up. You win. Now let me go back to being just slightly crazy, not foaming at the mouth deranged. Let’s just agree to disagree, and I’ll try not to scare my boyfriend once a month.

To: All the spiders in the world
Fr: Julie McCoy, your cruise director

Hello and welcome to Spider Fun Fest 2006. I trust you’ve all come here for a fabulous vacation. As you can see there are many nooks and crannies for you to rest your weary 8 legged freaky bodies. Oops, I mean tired bodies.

There are many activities for your enjoyment including a web building competition, base jumping, and for you althletic gamblers there is a daily race of “out run the giant”. Be careful with that one folks, as the giant is fast and is known to kill her opponents when she catches them. There are other dangers to be aware of besides the giant- once a week there is another giant who comes over and employs all manner of tortuous devices including the broom, the swiffer, and the dreaded vacuum. However, since this “giant” is very small compared to the other giants that occupy the house just be sure to hang out high up and she’ll never see you. We’re calling this tour, “Fascinating Human Safari”.

The pool is working this year, but as with last year please note that the giant drains it from time to time. If you see a large shadow looming over the pool that’s your cue to get out. The unexplained pool draining can be a bit frightening, but we here at Spider Vacations feel there’s nothing better than a dip in a pool of fresh clean water. Viewing of the Coriolis effect is free.

The food this year is as fantastic as it was last year! With the early heat this year there’s a new crop of fruit flies that are begging you to snatch them up and dig in. For the more adventurous of you there’s nighttime big game hunting in the dark and cool chamber just off the pool area. Only serious athletes need apply for this hunt, as there’s a treacherous climb and a long trek before we reach the summit of Sleeping Apartment Giant. However, victory IS sweet when you reach the summit to dine on the delicious nectar the giant provides. There’s plenty for everyone so come on and sign up!

Please remember to turn in your next of kin notification cards before getting started, and remember to have fun!

There is also some news on the job front. I turned down going back to “Close to Home” (so you can stop watching now). They killed off one the characters in the show on the season finale (her husband) and they’re not bringing back the actor who played their boss. Since these were my main two actors that I worked on there was really no reason for me to go back besides paying bills. I decided to cast my fortunes to the winds and see what came up. As far as I know I will be going on to another show. A much bigger show… with, um some doctors who are McPopular. Anyway, if I do get that show I’ll be the third (which is much better for my social life) but it starts in a week and we’ll see…

” It’s a good thing you’re a girl. Because if you weren’t, I’d be gay. And that’s wrong.”

“Well, that would make the General happy…”

“That’s wrong too. No, see. The reason why you are a girl and have cramps is so that I don’t have to be gay.”
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“You know I am so totally blogging this, right?”

Super super pissed off.

Click to Embiggen

The first thing I saw when I walked in the zoo were peacocks. Am I the only one who thinks peacock tails are super freaky?

Iguanas are everywhere. This spiny knee tortise was pretty pissed that the iguana was eating his food. He hightailed it over and had some words with the interloper. I bet the tortise would be pleased to know that in some parts of Costa Rica the iguana is referred to as galina de pollo. (Joe, did you translate it?) It means “chicken of the tree”. Apparently I am not the only delicious thing in Costa Rica.

Here is a teeny tiny pygmy owl. I wanted to steal him and stuff him in my pocket. I wish there was something there to indicate his tiny stature but he was probably 6″ high.

Snooty turtles. They really thought they were better than all the other turtles. Sad, really.

While I was taking photos of this guy the mountain lion in the cage behind me woke up and started making big kitty noises. This monkey got very worried and stood up and started making this huffing sound. He’d look at me with a worried face, huff, look at the lion cage, huff some more, and look very concerned right at me. I honestly think he was trying to warn me of the imminent danger right behind me. It was very cute.

After we left San Jose we travelled to Manuel Antonio. On the way there there is the “Croc Bridge” where you walk onto this bridge, look down, and see some of the biggest wild crocodiles ever. We were probably 25-30 feet above them. They were HUGE.

Close up. Notice the one in the middle looks like the crows from Spy vs Spy.

Manuel Antonio looks like this:

And this:

This was my view from the restaurant at lunch.

Here too. Seriously Saru. You could move here and open a restaurant and be happy. Plus the Costa Rican girls are beautiful and they love mature American men who aren’t machismo.

This is the view from the beach. Bow to my mad photoshop skills. I erased seven bogeys sun worshippers from the photo.

This was the view from my seat on the plane that took me from incredible beauty to sitting on planes and in airports for a solid 12 hours. (all my flights were delayed hours) Notice that from where I am sitting I could practically fly the plane myself.

This was the sign that greeted me upon my arrival in Los Angeles.

No. More like seamy LA.

******************************************

Note for J* :

This bed is too big without you

Glad to be home, really. But this is what I left:
(click on the photo to make it larger!)

There will more posts and many more photos over the next day or so.

Also, for those of you so inclined, I just realized that this blog has an rss feed. I had to add it manually to my yahoo front page. Just copy and paste my url to your RSS editor and then add /atom.xml . If you do it and it works let me know.

I’ll write more in a bit.

I guess 60,934,251 people really CAN be wrong.

I should be packing.

I should, but I’m mostly done and I need a break. All the little last bits are driving me a bit batty.

Oh? Where am I going? Well, here:

As predicted, the boy got a job immediately after I went on hiatus. Out of the country. As usual. One of the assistants is keeping a blog while they’re down there. If you’re curious you can go read about the film here.

Anyway, that’s where I’ll be as of Tuesday. I’m going to stop in Houston for a few days before. I mean I have to stop there no matter what. But instead of the 3 hour layover in the airport, I’m going to kick it with the ‘rents. Much better planning that way. And better food.

Ok. I’ve got to get back to making playlists for the iPod and winding balls of yarn for projects I’m taking with me. I’ll try to post while I’m there, but I’ll be using J’s computer or posting from an internet cafe. So we’ll see.

Hasta la vista my lovelies!

(oh, and for those of you who might want to see what I’ve really been up to since I’ve been on hiatus go to Yarnhoar)

update: will someone please remember to remind me that my upstairs neighbor Stampy McDrunkypants hates the Runaways (specifically “Cherry Bomb”)? I thought it would be Eminem’s “Lose Yourself” with the volume turned up to earsplitting (bass all the way to 10, speakers turned toward the ceiling…) I thought it would be some really loud white boy rap that sent him over the edge, but it turns out that it’s going to be slutty teenaged girl groups instead.

Take a memo Stampy: continue ordering up the hookers so they can play naked roller derby while you play Alicia Keys so fucking loud that I can’t hear my tv or concentrate on my knitting
and it’s gonna be Lita Ford and Joan Jett all day every day.

Not that that’s a bad thing. For me…

On a beautiful Saturday 29 years ago today:

Happy Anniversary Mom and Pop!